Today was an ultimate test.
This is what was supposed to happen.
9-11: Turn in equipment.
11-1:00: Lunch
1:00-4:30: Clean up supply room/pick up things at warehouse.
No cussing all day. Well I still did not cuss, but this is is what really happened.
9:oo: Show up at the office; Wegnuts who is supposed to assist me for the morning, is nowhere to be found.
9:15: Trying to inventory the equipment I need to turn. Specialist Honky bugs me for paperwork he needs to clear the unit and transfer to another post. I tell him to return with the right info. He tells me to count slow so he can return before I leave. I yell at him to get out of my office.
9:15-10:00: Phone rings 14 times, each time a different person calling, but all were from the same office asking for the same things.
9:45: Still conducting inventory. Wegnuts nowhere to be found. Spc Honky returns. He gives me attitude. I explode, but since I cannot cuss I end up banging my head against the wall really hard. Spc Honky gives me more attitude and tells me to "calm down big baby." I open my drawer full of knives and say, "Come here. Closer. I want you to pick the knife that I AM GOING TO STAB YOU IN THE NECK WITH!!!!!" as I pick up a knife and wave it at his face. He panics. He gives me his info needed for his paperwork....cautiously. Phone rings. Still holding the knife in my hand I punch my $500 monitor almost knocking it off my desk. I finish Spc Honky's paperwork and print it up. He asks me a stupid question. I take his paperwork and yell, "YOU SEE THIS! WHAT IS UNDER MY KNIFE!?!? IT'S THE PAPERWORK YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS FORSAKEN STATE! AND IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT OF MY FACE I WILL USE IT WRAP YOUR HEAD AFTER I DECAPITATE YOU!!!!!!!!!" Spc Honky leaves terrified.
10:00: Wegnuts shows up and claims he knocked on my door at 9:15 but I "was not in yet." I yell and throw a padlock, my dip can, and my cell phone across the office.
10:00-10:30: By some miracle I finish my inventory and Wegnuts loads all the equipment in the truck. On our way to the turn in location for all aforementioned equipment, Wegnuts decides to text while driving. I tell him to stop and pay attention to the road. He says not to worry and "calm down." I tell him to pullover. We pullover. I yell gibberish and punch and dent the truck. We get back in the truck. Wegnuts turns off his phone.
11:00: We arrive at the turn in location, meet up with the civilians, and proceed to download ALL the equipment, some of which weighed more than 125 pounds. Once it is all laid out, the civilians then decide to point out that my team leader is the one who needs to sign it back to them; my team leader is in a meeting until noon. I send Wegnuts to lunch and stay with the equipment.
12:00: Team leader calls me and says he cannot make it up there because of other civilian pricks. He tells me to call Wegnuts and that we have no choice but to load EVERYTHING back up and take it tomorrow. I yell more gibberish in the air, take my soda and punt it 40 yards, and then from trying not to cuss, I accidently hold my breath and pass out for less than a minute; all of this in front of the civilians. One civilian happened to be cool enough to decide I can break the rules and sign it in temporarily as long as my team leader completes the paperwork the next day. I have Wegnuts come back and pick me up.
12:15-1:00: I skip lunch so I can load up other equipment to turn in at another location.
1:00: Spc Honky shows up trying to get more paperwork done. I pull out my knife. Team leader tells him to get out of our way because we are late or else he will run him over. Spc Honky calls his bluff. Team leader hits a him little with the truck. Spc Honky leaves.
1:30: First Sergeant calls my team leader and tells him to put it on speakerphone so I can hear too. He says we are doing great at our job, but we cannot threaten to stab people or run them over no matter how incompetent they are. Spc Honky tattled on us. Team leader is enraged. I pick up on his bad temper.
2:00: Spc Honky shows up to finish his paperwork. I see him and start punching walls and throw several office supplies around.
2:00-2:30: I receive more than 20 phonecalls, all from the same people that called me in the morning, all asking the same questions, the same questions which they asked earlier. I yell more gibberish, throw more office supplies around. Wegnuts shows up trying to rat sniff our supply room for cool gear. I threaten to make Wegnuts' heart explode by stabbing him with my atropine injector kit. Wegnuts looks at me funny and tells me to "calm down," right as the phone rings again. I pick up the phone and almost throw it at Wegnuts. Wegnuts disappears in an instant.
3:00: We go to the warehouse and pick up some supplies we ordered, including special order Gerber knives. I am calm.
4:00: I give some cool gear to some buddies from my old unit. I sham from returning to work by talking to Rojo. Chill day from then on.
People are trying to tempt me to cuss. Instead of cussing I act like an immature high school jock, I commit assault with a deadly weapon with intent to murder multiple times, and I almost have a brain aneurysm.
Maybe cussing is not so bad sometimes?
Have an airborne day,
565 Airborne, out.
