Fuck Authority

Officers these days.



Me: Sir, I'm going to be your counter-intel mole for FoF.
LT: Awesome. You got your weapon and gear ready to go?
Me: Roger sir. Where can I store my weapon?
LT: I don't know. I think the other guys stored my weapon in the truck of our cubic vehicle.
Me: What the fuck? Sir, you know that's the wrong answer.
LT: I know, I know. What can I do for you to keep quiet about this?
Me: Well I haven't touched myself in the past 40 plus days because of Lent; I want some downtime between ops to play stranger hand.
LT: We can double dutch rudder.
Me: Sir, with all due respect, eat a dick.
LT: Haha, don't be a puss, it's not gay.
Me: It's totally gay.
LT: Homophobe.
Me: Fag.
LT: Queer.
Me: Peterpuffer.
LT: Fudgepacker.
Me: Cum-chugger.
LT: I'll fucking double dutch rudder you whether you like it or not.
Me: I'll fuck your mom, make her fall in love with me, marry her, and then force you to call me dad, sir.
LT: You bastard. You are too clever and witty for this battalion.
Me: That's because I'm the smartest enlisted soldier in this battalion. Without a doubt.
LT: Smart, clever, and cocky; no wonder that NCO from mortars platoon hates you.
Me: He hates me because he wishes he wasn't so fucking stupid.......that and he wishes he was me.
LT: Oh so you overheard him talking to First Sergeant too?
Me: Wait, what?
LT: Yeah I overheard him crying, literally crying, about how he wishes he had some of your smarts and characteristics so he would be able to talk trash back to you.
Me: I knew it!
LT: Yeah he is envious of you.
Me: Duhhh, sir. I'm fucking awesome. You're sweating right now, not because it's hot in here, but because I am so awesome, I radiate energy and heat. Now quit staring at me like a fag, sir. Take a picture an post it on totalfuckingawesomeness.com backslash Ifuckingrule.
LT: Hahahaha get the fuck out of here.
Me: Ok sir, I'm Audi 5000. Peace out boy scout.
LT: Fucking dick.


Any other soldier would be severely punished for talking to an officer like that. I do not even get a slap on the wrist.





Have an airborne day,
565 Airborne, out.