Whenever I am sans-roommate or I realize that my roommate will not be in for awhile, or days on end, I take the opportunity to shower as long as I want, but more importantly I can air dry after the shower and remain in my birthday suit. Now I know what some of you may be thinking, "He just sits around nude??? He must be a pervert or some type of sexual deviant," but no, I do not sit around nude for the purpose of sexual desire. Honestly, who the fuck gets sexual pleasure from sitting around nude? Not me. I just like the cool feeling from my air conditioner all over my body. If you lived in the ridiculous humidity ridden weather of Louisiana, you would understand.
So there I was sitting in my room, after a fresh shower, just typing away as I communicated with friends back home, when someone knocked on my door. Mind you I was sitting at my computer, in my birthday suit for about two hours before came that knock, that plus the nudity feels so natural to me that I forgot about my lack of clothing as I stood up to answer the door. I open the door to see a young, recent high school graduate, attractive female delivering pizzas for Domino's Pizza. Confused because I did not order any pizza, I said, "Sorry wrong room, I didn't order any pizza," but she was so surprised at the random sight of a nude soldier standing in front of her, that she could hardly speak. After regaining some composure she says, "I'm......looking......for........Charlie 14." Right as I was about to say, "Yeah this is Bravo 14," I noticed it was my nudity that caught her tongue. I look down and back at her somewhat acknowledging I understand her shocked state of being, but me being me, I look her straight in the eyes and ask, "Well...do you wanna come in?" At this point you are expecting that I am going to tell you how she slapped me, kicked me in the testicles, called me a pervert, ran off and reported me for sexual harassment, but no that is not what happened. She looks at me, blushes, smiles and says, "Ummm I don't get off of work for another two hours. Can I come back then?"
Of course I said "Sure!" and then gave her my phone number. I was surprised myself, but shrugged it off and went back to my computer expecting her NOT to call or come back. Two hours later though, as if by some coincidence, Marcy Playground's "Sex and Candy" starts ringing from my cell phone; she called back. I was speechless. She said she was just going to rush home, shower, and change before she came over. I told her to fuck that idea and to head straight to my room; she complied. For some reason I put on shorts, as if they were going to stay on for very long. Now this girl must have been on some long abstinent stint or just had a bad dry spell-I do not blame her for not wanting to sleep with the same old hillbilly boodro punk from around here-because when I opened the door, she stepped in, closed the door and pounced on my face with her tongue. Obviously I did not make any attempt to resist. Now I do not need to go into detail about what happened; it was simply making out, foreplay, and sex, hours of sex. Somewhere in the rest breaks between the sex I caught her name and that she recently graduated from high school. That is all I know and remember about her. One thing I really liked about her, was her complete understanding of a one night stand. At no point did we ever talk a relationship or dating, it was a night of sex and that was that.
Here is a list of people whom have involuntarily seen me naked or whom I flashed my genitals to:
- Several Postal workers
- Jehovah Witnesses
- Mormons
- New neighbors
- 80% of the people who went on the Eurotrip last year
- Half the cross country team my sophomore year in high school
- French teens sightseeing in Italy
- Every French police officer I saw from our tour bus
- Multiple Louisiana residents
- Just about any freshmen my senior year
- Anti-war hippies I saw on my way to MEPS before leaving for basic training
That is not counting the thousands of people who have had the liberty of seeing me moon them with my brown ass. That's about it, for now. I will surely flash more people.
Have an airborne day, 565 Airborne out.
