Chic N Stu

When I first began talking to my girlfriend, Trenches was texting her at the same time. I am the type of friend that does not mind sharing a girl's attention; besides I called dibs on her, just in case, and being a fair player at the dibs game, Trenches abided by the rules and refrained from pursuing her, most likely because she is 17 and Trenches is 25. I know some of my friends are thinking, "Don't do it Iceman! She's jailbait dumbass!" but do not fret, she will be 18 in October and we are not doing anything sexual, minus the knee job she gave me. Well as she began talking to me, she would text and chat with Trenches, she was trying to get friend approval, which she got, and was asking him how to impress me. My true friends know it does not take much for a girl to impress me. In fact Dave Chapelle put it quite eloquently when he said, "Ladies, don't listen to that bullshit magazines tell you. There aren't a hundred ways to please a man. Just suck my dick, play with my balls, fix me a sandwich, and don't talk so damn much!" I am pretty much the same way. When my girlfriend asked Trenches how to impress me he told her, "Just be yourself and don't force anything; just let things happen as they will. And cook him Mexican food and lots of desserts because he eats like a fat guy." He was pretty much on target.

There was one weekend where Staff Sergeant Rojo cooked us dinner AND brought the food to the barracks. He made some delicious chicken with salsa quesadillas, brownies, used the rest of the chicken to make us chicken with rice for whenever we did not have food, AND brought Dr. Pepper. My hunger was more than satisfied. After our delectable feast, I brought about this observation with Trenches:

Me: Hey, what was it that you told Jeny about impressing me?
Trenches: I told her you eat like a fat guy so she should cook you Mexican food and desserts.
Me: Which is exactly what Rojo did.
Trenches: If Rojo had a vagina, you wouldn't need Jeny.
Rojo: Hahaha.
Me: Yeah that is true, I would just date Rojo.
Trenches: I would probably bang Rojo too.
Me: We would probably fight over the idea and just T-10Delta* Rojo if he were a woman.


*T-10Delta(T-10D) is a term I came up with. The United States paratroopers nowadays use the T-10D parachute for static line jumps. One characteristic about it is that it can handle the weight of two fully combat loaded troopers. Of course, I turned it into a term referring to double-teaming a girl.*


At this point I thought it would be funny to prank my newfound girlfriend. I used Trenches's phone to text her, making her think it was him texting her. "Trenches" told her that I cheated on her already and made the reference to the manner of impressing me. At first she was worried and almost disappointed but soon realized it was a joke and just a reference to the dinner Rojo made us. It was quite hilarious though as I instantly received texts from her questioning my fidelity. I did not put her through too much panic though, and she just laughed at the prank. I am awesome boyfriend, right? We are barely in a relationship and I am already pulling pranks on her regarding my loyalty. I thought it was funny.



Have an airborne day,
565 Airborne, out.